Tuesday, April 10, 2012

What to do with a Tattoo

I have a tattoo. I got it for the mother of my children. The tattoo is her name and it’s on my hip. When I showed it to her shortly after I got it her first response was “What did you do that for?” And ever since it has made me think: What did I do that for? For that matter, what does anybody get a tattoo? I’ve been told that people get a tattoo for love. Sometimes they get it to honor or remember somebody. In many cases, the pictures or symbols within a tattoo carry pointed and deep significance. Well, I don’t mean to minimize the sentiment behind a tattoo, and I don’t mean to come off like an insensitive jerk, but isn’t there a place you could put somebody’s name other than someplace on your body? How about a wall? Or in a nice frame? Or maybe in a locket around your neck?
And the worst ones are the ones put on your back, particularly in languages even the person getting tattoo’d doesn’t understand! First of all, to see it you need a mirror and you need a slinky for a neck to look backwards at it. Secondly, when you look at something in a mirror, you see it in the reverse image of what’s really there. So you’re not actually seeing what the tattoo looks like, you’re seeing the reverse of what the tattoo looks like. And if this tattoo is in Japanese, Chinese... well, let me put it this way: if you can read the Japanese symbols for “peace and be well” backwards and in Japanese, you’re a better man than I. I can barely read English that’s written on the page let alone if it was backwards on my back.
But if you’re absolutely set on getting a tattoo, I have a couple of ideas that will keep the tattoo noticed and appreciated every day, a set of tattoos that will really make you stand out of the crowd. First, make sure you put the tattoo on your wrist. If you wear a watch, put the tattoo on your other wrist. Then, choose one of the following tattoos for display:
First: Your anniversary date. Right there where you can see it, in permanent form. “My anniversary is” followed by the date. This way, you’ll never forget it. It will be right there, everyday, for you and everybody else to see, too. You could actually help save another’s relationship by helping them remember, too. “Holy Cow, my anniversary! I forgot! Gee, that guy’s got it tattoo’d on his arm! How astute of him!” “Thank you, Mr. Anniversary-Tatto’d-On-Your-Arm-Man!”
Secondly, where you put your car keys. How many of us have lost your car keys? What if you put a common location in a tattoo right where you can see it, in big blue letters: “I think your keys might be in the bathroom. You always seem to leave them there.” Saves time in the search the next time you misplace them.
And lastly, try this: Your mother’s telephone number. Every time you look at your wrist, call her and say “Hi.” Think of that. “Hi, Mom, I just thought I’d call.” She’ll love it.
Try all these the next time the urge hits to ink up your body. And when you stop reading this, go call your mother. Tell her you’re going to tattoo her number on your wrist. When you really do it, send her a picture. She’ll never be happier….

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